We're facebook friends in real life
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
