god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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