yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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