I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
