btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
my sisters under your porch take her home
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
