he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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