Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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