we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
