I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Everclear isn't food dammit
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
