Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
