he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
