I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So much Jack, so little girl.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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