I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
