she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
we're so committed to being not committed
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
