Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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