Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
