i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
