Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
