My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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