apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
