I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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