He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
