i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
