you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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