I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
