WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing