i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food