tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
