cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
