imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
