You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
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I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
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They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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