i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
