good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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