She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
