I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
