i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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