Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
