I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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