I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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