Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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