woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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