Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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