were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
