Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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