hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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