It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
