My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Im part way to drunk.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
