I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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