Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
