im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
