don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
