eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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