Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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