More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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