I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
