Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
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