The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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