this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
