Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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