Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
