you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
