I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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