If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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