considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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