I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
