Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
MIDGETS
????
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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