Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize