I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
