Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
not ubering you a puppy
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
